Have you ever been called, “too much?”

How about, “too quiet,” or “too sensitive?”

Those judgements from others about how we should be can erode our confidence.

Especially when they come from people we love and admire.

In Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ new book, Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual, she says that when someone calls you “too” something, it’s more of a statement on them than it is on you.

Still, it can be hard to remember that in the moment, or when those words begin to fill you with self-doubt.

By knowing and owning who you are, you can begin to build confidence in yourself that withstands hurtful criticism from others.

Because when you stand strong in who you are, no one can take that away from you.

In your career, you’ve probably encountered some great leaders.

Leaders who inspired you to bring your best to work every day, leaders who knew how to develop your strengths, and leaders who cared about you as an individual.

And I’m willing to bet you also had your fair share of not-so-great leaders.

It’s easy to think that certain leadership styles are better than others, especially when you’ve experienced how each one feels as an employee.

As a leader, you want to give your best for your team. You want to inspire them to grow, to do great work, and to find joy and meaning in their jobs.

And to do that, it’s important to take stock of your own leadership style; how you show up every day to lead the people on your team or in your organization.

There’s no “one size fits all” approach to leadership, and styles can be flexed depending on the situation, organization, or even the individual.

Have you ever been told you’re bossy? Aggressive? Too much? What about too emotional? You’re too nice?

Do you struggle to find the balance between being respected and liked at work? Do you struggle to find balance at all?

If you’re like most women, you likely said yes to any (or all) of the above questions. And let’s face it: this double-edged sword of trying to hide our feminine strengths to fit into a masculine work environment is holding women back.

Women are asking for raises and getting promotions at the same rate as men, yet we have a long way to go to close the gender gap. We need a new approach to leadership, one where traditional feminine strengths are recognized and rewarded. Playing by the old rules of leadership is over.

Yet, when we try to adopt a traditionally masculine approach to leadership (i.e. authoritative rather than participative), disconnect with our emotions, and focus on our weaknesses rather than our strengths, the gap in female leaders grows wider.

It’s time to own who you are and what you bring to the table.

Women are asking for promotions and negotiating salaries at the same rate as men. We’re showing up at work, committed to our companies and careers. And this translates to more women in senior and C-suite leadership positions across the country.

Yet, women continue to be underrepresented at every level of leadership.

The 2019 McKinsey report, Women in the Workplace, revealed that men said the biggest obstacle to parity in leadership was having too few qualified women in the pipeline, while women said they are being judged by different standards.

In reality, the research shows that the biggest opportunity isn’t in breaking the glass ceiling, but in what they term the “broken rung.”